HellsOriginalAngel

Hello friends. I'm sorry for not being on in a very long time. Things haven't been going all that well. I wish I had better news when it comes to my health. Some of you on here know my situation, but for those that don't I will explain. In my last journal I said that I was going to have a trial surgery to try to help with my back pain. Well, I did have the trial surgery....However, it didn't go as planed. It didn't work. If anything it made the pain worse. I spent a lot of time going back and forth with my neurologist, pain management doctor, and my orthopedic doctor. This is basically what I was told. Orthopedic doc. told me that I have 3 bulging disks in my spine. C3-C4, C7-T1, and T12-L1. Yeah....lovely. The pain I have been in has only been worsening. The only way I am able to get around my home is by the use of a walker, but otherwise I am in bed most of the day. If I am out in public or go out anywhere, I have to be in a wheelchair, and I fall about once to twice a day minimum because of the nerve damage and muscle spasms. I have also been in and out of the hospital due to my pain. My doctors have been doing their best to help me fight the pain and keep my pain levels down as low as possible and keep me comfortable. On November 11th, 2015 my neurologist had told me something that I had never wanted to hear. He had explained to me that the amount of pain that I am in now....I am going to be in for the rest of my life. I was told this is as good as it is going to get. My dream of being able to experience a life without pain and without the aid of medication....is just that a dream. It has been a very hard, long, and painful road; the depression and anxiety has been very overwhelming. Also, due to my health issues I have lost my job, and the doctors are in the process of permanently disabling me. However, I have had the love and support of my family and friends helping to make things easier. To everyone that has been there, and to everyone who have been doing whatever they can to help me keep my spirits up; I can't thank you enough for being there. I am trying to stay positive. It hasn't been easy by any means necessary. I can barely walk, stand, or get around. The nerves in my back and legs are disintegrating faster than my body can repair them. I am hoping that maybe someday may sometime in the future there will be something that can help me get better, but until then I am going to continue fighting, and push forward. I have my ups and downs, my good days and my bad days. But no matter what I will try my hardest to continue to move forward. I am trying to keep myself busy by working on my jewelry, and a few other things. I missed you all, and hope everyone has had a wonderful Holiday Season, and I wish you all a safe, wonderful, plentiful, and happy New Year. Love you all, and missed you all.

Hello everyone. I know it's been a long while since I have been on, and for that I am truly sorry. Things have been very crazy. Well for starters, I finally got married to the love of my life back on November 1st, 2014. I hope to have some pictures up soon. Also, my sister Lunarqua and I have finally gotten our jewelry business up, and are trying to get it off the ground, and we now have our online store up and running. We are posting new things everyday. But that is about where the good news ends. I wish I did have more good news , but unfortunately that is about it. 

So as many of you know I had a spinal fusion on March 10th, 2014. Just over a year ago. I have been out of work since October of 2013. I thought things were starting to get better. Boy, I could not have been more wrong. Now I have been in pain ever since I left work back in 2013, and was feeling ever so slightly better, but around October of last year, right before my wedding, I noticed things were starting to get gradually worse. I am having a harder time standing and walking. Yes, I had a great time at my wedding, however I had to try my hardest to keep my pain to myself. My wonderful bridesmaids and wedding coordinator were a big help. They told me when I was pushing myself and forced me to take it easy and relax. One of my bridesmaids I could not thank enough. That was my younger sister fiirea and my wedding coordinator was my other little sister Lunarqua . These two have been helping me through so much, as have others. So thank you both so much for being able to be there for my big day. However, 2 days after my wedding I ended up in the hospital due to the pain. Not only found out that my back was getting worse, but also that I was Type 2 Diabetic. Yeah...this is just the tip of the massive iceberg I've been dealing with. Well, right now my diabetes is under control, but now a new and even bigger problem has shown up. In late January I was referred to a pain management specialist to try to see why the pain has gotten worse. Turns out that I have Degenerative Nerve Disease, and it is only getting worse. Basically the nerves in my back are crumbling from under me. They want me to have another spinal surgery that is SUPPOSE to be this coming Friday. It's for an implant called a Spinal Cord Stimulater. Lets see if that actually happens since they have changed the date on me like 3 times already. The part that is the hardest however is I can barely walk or get around, and the pain is unbearable. I hardly have any independence anymore. If I do walk, which is not often, it's with a walker, and I am falling constantly. Nothing is touching the pain, and the muscle spasms are just as unbearable as the pain. As if all of that isn't bad enough it only gets worse. I am most likely going to be loosing my job because I have been out from work for so long. A year and a half or so. I was also told by my doctor that if this surgery doesn't work; I will most likely be permanently disabled. That's right...no longer able to go back out into the working world and stuck at home all stinking day. I DON'T WANT THAT!!! I want my freaking life back. I want a life without pain. I want to be able to walk, run, move about, and get out of the house when I want, and not have to rely on someone else to get stuff for me. I want my independence back. I hate being like this. I was an active person that loved my job, had so much planned for my life. Now the rest of my life...yeah...I don't even want to go there or think about it. I think you guys can pretty much figure out what will happen to my life if I become permanently disabled. No lifting over 5 lbs, yada yada yada. Personally I don't want to think about it, but it is the cold harsh reality of things if this surgery doesn't work. However, I have found some peace in making jewelry, and my sister Dani and I have decided to start our own business called Wind Talker Jewelry. We make handmade jewelry, and do custom orders. It really helps me feel more useful...more happy. However, right now it is the jewelry that we sell that is helping me pay for my surgery's and medical expenses. I am normally not the type of person to ask for help; I try to do what I can for myself without asking others. I want to be able to do things on my own, and I am usually the one that is helping everyone else out. However, this time it's the other way around. Now I am the one asking for help. So, I guess what I am asking is if you would like to buy any of our jewelry, please check out our Etsy page. Most of the money will be going towards my medical bills and expenses as well as supplies to make more jewelry. Right now we are only shipping here in the US, but if you live outside the US please message us at wind.talker.jewelry@gmail.com and we will see what we can do about shipping outside the US. If you know anyone that has a birthday, anniversary, wedding, or even holidays; see if there is anything you would like to buy as a gift or even for yourself. We also make custom orders. The jewelry right now is my only source of income right now, and my husband is pushing himself to the limit to try to help me. I feel bad asking for this kind of help, but I don't know what else to do. I am running out of options. Again, I am sorry for asking for this kind of favor and help, but I really need this surgery, and if it works they will be doing a second more permanent surgery. I just want to go back to a normal life out of pain, but that looks less and less likely. Especially without surgery. Please share our Etsy page and Facebook page with friends and family, we may have some pieces they like. I will leave the links below. Again I am so sorry to ask of such a favor, but I don't know what else to do. That and in all honesty, I love making the jewelry, and it has always been my dream to turn it into a business. Again sorry for asking for such a favor. Thank you.

Hope everyone is doing well. Love you all.


Etsy page: www.etsy.com/shop/WindTalkerSh…

Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/pages/Wind-Ta…

Hello friends. Thank you for your support with my spinal fusion. It has been almost 6 months since my surgery, and I am feeling better. I am still in some pain, but nothing nearly as bad. I apologize that I have not been on hardly at all in a long while, but there has been a lot going on in my life recently. I should be returning back to work within the next couple of weeks. I haven't gone back since my surgery. Also, I am getting married in 8 weeks on November 1st. I can't wait, but it is quite stressfull. On top of that I will be getting ready to move soon. So I am all over the place and busy as can be. 

Now as for my friends that are fans of my dogs Phoenix, Bubba, and Bailey; they are doing ok. Phoenix is going through training to become a Service Dog and is a medically prescribed Emotional Support Animal. Bubba along with his house-mate Bailey, and my parents are currently out of their house and staying at a hotel. Back on July 3rd. a tree fell on my parents house and nearly destroyed the house. It missed landing on my father by 2 feet (it was a 70 foot tree that cut the house darn near in half). My dad is ok, but still very shaken. The contractors said that he is EXTREMELY LUCKY!!! They have no clue how the wall behind where my father was sitting (Bailey was laying at his feet) didn't fall on top of him and crush him. Again he is ok just still very shaken. Bubba was in the other room when it happened and is perfectly fine. Bubba is acting...well...like Bubba LOL. He is his same old goof-ball self. Everyone is doing fine just running around like mad people.  Sorry for not being on in a while, as you can obviously see things have been very hectic. Miss you all bunches, and I will try to be on as much as I can considering how busy I am right now. 

Thanks everyone~!

Hello to my dA family.  My spinal surgery is tomorrow morning.  I am nervous and seriously scared, but I know it is to help me feel better.  I have to be at the hospital at 8 am the surgery starts at 10am and is about a 4 hour surgery.  I should be in my room by about 3pm. I hope.  Like I said before I'm seriously scared and nervous.  I will try to post an update as soon as I can.  If I can't my sister Lunarqua will post something for me. Wish me luck..... I'm seriously going to need it.  

Thank you everyone for all of your positive thoughts, positive energy, kind words, support, and prayers. Because they have been answered!!! MY SURGERY HAS BEEN MOVED UP BY ALMOST A WHOLE MONTH!!!! I spoke with my surgeons office a little over a week ago, and they were somehow able to move my surgery up from April 3rd to March 10th. That is just under 3 weeks away!!! I am seriously nervous, but I am glad they were able to move it up. This way I can get on the road to recovery a whole lot sooner. I will keep everyone updated as much as posible. If you would like my cell phone number so you can check up on me while I am in the hospital (I should be in a room by some time in between 4 and 5 PM on March 10th) all you have to do is send me a note, and I will be more then happy to talk to my dA family. I will also have skype as well while I am in the hospital. I will be staying in the hospital for 2-3 days. I miss you all so much and thanks again for all of your support, kind words, and prayers.